And...the end has come

My original pumping goal was one year. I toyed with the idea of trying to go longer, but the thought of that usually didn't last too long because I DESPISE pumping. I mean really, really despise it. At first I didn't mind it because it was so much better than what we were doing before, but after a few months I slowly starting hating it more and more each day, till about a month ago I honestly could not stand it anymore. Neither could Kaylee. She knew what it meant when I got hooked up to the pump and would start crying and trying to climb on me every time. Part of it, I'm sure, was she could sense how much I disliked it, but I also know it was hard for her because the more mobile she gets, the more she wants to play. It's hard to find enough time for my baby when I have to spend 2+ hours pumping every day, plus cooking and cleaning, and taking care of Kaylee in general. That leaves...well, no time at all for me, which didn't help either.

It got more and more stressful because my milk supply was slowly but surely dropping - even with 7 pumps a day, and often one in the middle of the night, I could barely keep up with Kaylee's eating. I'm sure my family noticed at Christmas time (and my husband's family the past few months) how cranky I was. Now, my family might not think that's anything new (I've always been the cranky one), but pumping made me a MEAN person, and I just kept getting meaner!! I was starting to be really shocked with myself. I didn't want to be so horrible and mean, but I felt like I couldn't control it. Mainly taking it out on Will, which of course is not fair at all. He is amazing for putting up with it.

So, I am quitting. 9 1/2 moths - it KILLS me that I couldn't make it to my goal. I remember crying when I started pumping, and now here I am crying that I'm not anymore. But I know for a fact that this is the best thing I can do for my family at this time. Just like I knew that pumping was the best thing I could do for Kaylee, now NOT pumping is the best thing I can do. I need to get my life back, and be able to be the mom that I want to be. Breast milk is irreplaceable, but so is this time with my baby, and I need to focus on that instead of pumping. I want to thank everyone who has supported me in this and especially thanks to Will, because he had to deal with everything first hand, and he was amazing. I pray that the next baby will nurse like a pro, and I will never, ever have to deal with anything like this again!

Gardening...

Our second attempt. Last year, Will and I had a little garden in our front yard, as well as some herbs in a planter. It did not end well. For one thing, after we planted all our flowers, it snowed. A lot. (Refer to my post last May.) It didn't kill anything, but I don't think the flowers really appreciated it very much, and just never seemed to thrive at ALL. More just hang on for a while, and then look really unhappy for the rest of the summer. And our planter - well, we had a cat, and finding a place to put said planter was really hard, because the cat could get almost anywhere. We ended up putting it on top of our entertainment center, which unfortunately was also home to a bad draft. Some of the seeds germinated, but promptly died. I don't know if it was from the cold draft or the fact that they kept drying out. (Yes, yes, my fault...)

Anyway, we're trying again this year, but we're only planting some flower seeds. The good news is, they are all sprouting, and faster than the little packet said they would. The bad news is, I don't think they'll make it much farther than that. Not that anything is wrong with them, but...well, I just feel like I didn't get a green thumb, like my parents seem to have. I tend to kill everything green. *sigh*

But it's worth a try, right?

Hike

We went on our first real hike with Kaylee!! We hiked up Y mountain this morning with her baby backpack that my parents were so kind to send. She loved it! Will carried her the whole way, and...well, I bet the Y isn't so easy to hike with an extra ~23 pounds. He did great though. Isn't she SO adorable?

And here we are, exhausted! Not looking quite so good as Kaylee, but not too shabby.